Life With Twins- Day 2

Alright- going to try this again... these two boys are nuts! It doesn't help that Chase was up every 2 hours last night, or that Kaely crawled in bed with me (still sleeping in the spare "full sized" bed- ugh), or that my sister had to be at work by 7, so she had to leave by 6, and was up at 5... sooooo- cranky is an understatement. However, I am largely to blame for my exhaustion today since I attempted to tackle housework while they were playing/sleeping- the mountain of laundry was growing daily, dishes weren't gonna do themselves, and the hair from the dogs, myself, etc on the floor was horrible. Yup. I'll go back to wishing for magical powers :)

All in all, the two were really good today though- only the screaming episode while at the school waiting on Kaely this afternoon, but hey, it could've been worse! I think I'm getting the hang of rotating their play stations, nap pads, feedings and diaper changes... it's not impossible, but once again, makes me really hold on tight to Chase at the end of the day and enjoy him being a single baby! :)

Now to make it through the rest of bedtime- and to enjoy some silence and deep sleep (wishful thinking!)

101 Posts!

Wow- and nearly as many days old... this continues to be an outlet for me and a way to remember the good, the bad, and everything in between. Since time flies, those little details are so easily forgotten!

Speaking of... after a follow up doctor's appointment last week, I finally remembered to ask about the results of my pathology report from Chase's delivery. Apparently there were factors with the placenta which were the cause of his growth being stopped/slowed which led to his "emergency" delivery. They found "multifocal infarctions" present, which was somewhat explained that it's like little scars, that I was clotting too quickly, interrupting the blood supply between him & I, thus preventing adequate nutrients from being provided. In part this makes me feel better having a tangible reason to explain it- but on the other hand, I feel frustrated- like what did I do wrong that made this condition occur, and how could I have prevented it?

In any case, this also served to remind me that on certain days when I wonder what else I can do to help Chase's progress along- with head strength, sitting up, or other milestones- I still compare him to his "birth age" rather than his adjusted age... and on top of it- he also has the "challenges" of the IUGR (Small for gestational age (SGA) babies are those whose birth weight, length, or head circumference lies below the 10th percentile for that gestational age) So not only did we face him being born at "33 week, 5 days"- but it was more along the lines of him being born closer to 30-31 weeks gestational age because of the issues with the placenta (these are the measurements from the ultrasounds, the week before/after Christmas that found him to be estimated at 30 weeks size rather than 33 weeks size). I recall feeling defensive when our NICU nurses would confirm that yes, he was more size and behaviorally matched to a 31 week-old baby, rather than a 34 week old baby, and so on. Of course I've always felt he's perfect and ahead of the curve considering, but I'm Mom :)

So... as always, I look at him, thinking, okay, he's 14+ weeks now- but if you adjust the adjusted age, we're still only about 5 weeks old! Isn't that insane??? Oh well, I say- haha- he rocks, and is getting so strong, aware, and just simply amazing. I couldn't be more blessed with these two gorgeous, fantastic children!!!

Well Intended Caregivers...

As my sister completed her first week back to work- we had discussions about all of the inconsistencies & "challenges" with different caregivers who helped out last week. I only watched the little one the one day- the other 2 days were covered by 2 other family members. This is where it gets sticky.

The help- first off- is appreciated of course. With the costs of daycare, and number of children that are there- it's a rough choice to make. So being able to turn to "free" resources such as family- is a good thing- usually. When you start to run into generation gaps between the mentality "I raised x number of children, and they turned out fine!" and "you should do this," or "this is the way it needs to be done..." it can cause a lot of turmoil.

First- let's accept the fact that things change over time. Scientific evidence, adjusting to our environment, proven studies, or just plain a difference in beliefs/habits- make it necessary for caregivers to keep an open mind to the fact that what may have worked 20+ years ago, does not necessarily make it safe now. For example? Kids did not sit in carseats for more than a year or two 20+ years ago- much less sitting in booster seats until they're in middle school (okay, up to 80 lbs). Looking at 30-40+ years ago, you'd have "mom" sitting in the backseat holding the baby- no carseat at all. Ummm- yeah. Again- things change for safety!

Secondly- the caregiver may have bottle fed vs. breastfed, or vice versa- and this makes a big difference in eating habits, bowel movements, weight gain, etc. For the most part, it's hard to "underfeed" a breastfed baby since our bodies adjust to the needs of the baby. Each and every baby is different, just as each week/month the appetites and food demands change- with growth spurts and other cycles, they may need to eat every 2 hours or every 4 hours- 2 oz vs 6 oz- but guess what? Mom usually knows best! Do NOT assume you know that the baby is starving and needs to eat every hour just because he's crying- they cry for a lot of other reasons. This completely throws off schedules, breastmilk supply & demand, and makes it a living hell after you are done watching them. If you are given enough breastmilk to last for the time you are watching them- listen to mom! On that note- do not ever offer a breast fed baby formula, cereal, etc unless it is supplied or expressly approved by mom. This can be dangerous, not to mention disrespectful.

Thirdly- do NOT hold the baby the entire time! Babies need stimulation, some down time, playtime, etc. Sure, snuggle and spend the time together- but put them down! Maybe you enjoy it, but if you ignore this advice, and it's time to give them back to mom & dad, now the baby refuses to be put down without screaming the entire time. They need time to self-soothe, to exercise a bit, and have a balance. Again, ignoring this is disrespectful and selfish when it comes to all the hard work mom has put in the previous 6+ weeks to get them to the point where they can be comfortably alone.

Fourth- if mom (or dad) suggests holding them a certain way, the need to rock, or vice versa, the need to have low stimulation- please listen! We (as parents) have spent quite a bit of time knowing what works best for our babies, and for the sake of safety, comfort, and their best interest- we are trying to help both you & the baby by making these suggestions. For instance- Nathan needs to be kept moving- rock him, walk with him, etc when he's upset. Chase on the other hand, gets overstimulated, and needs to be kept in one position and soothed for a minute to calm down. When I make these suggestions- PLEASE LISTEN! It is hard enough to share the babies, it's even worse to hear them scream bloody murder because they are overstimulated.

Fifth- babies are babies- not dogs. Do not use "tricks" on them that you would a dog. If the baby holds his breath as he is screaming- it is NOT necessary to blow in their face to startle them to breathe. Seriously? Is an explanation necessary?



There are quite a few other issues I know I'm overlooking that have come up- BUT- just remember that it's hard to let go of our babies- especially if you have to return to work so soon. It takes a lot of trust and tears to hand them over out of necessity. I know my sister wouldn't if she didn't absolutely have to, but since she has no choice, she has to turn to family. Even I recognize that her baby is entirely different from Chase- Chase will eat every 2 hours or so, and Nathan can go 4 hours between feedings. Methods to calm down Chase varies a lot from Nathan. Even though our kids are close in age- that still doesn't give me the right to force my "knowledge" of what works for me on her- I have to respect her methods and preferences for HER baby! I have not come to the point of letting anyone watch Chase yet- and don't see a need or desire to any time soon. If and when I feel comfortable enough to do so, I will vocalize that- but in the meantime- do not take it personally! And chances are I will trust my sister first since she is in the same boat and more aware of the need to be respectful and conscious of our parenting choices.

Oh well- just a PSA in case you have a niece/nephew/grandchild/friend that needs your care. Those couple hours of "help" can cause a world of trouble after weeks of hard work. Enjoy your time, snuggle, but don't forget that it's not your baby- and you must give them back eventually...

Happy Easter Weekend!

What's a holiday weekend without food & family? We had a lot of both this weekend, and in turn a lot of exhaustion! We got to finally introduce Chase to his great-grandfather and great-uncle, getting our 4 generation photo of the boys- a classic! Then our Easter brunch this morning with nearly all the aunts, uncles & grandparents (oh yeah, and of course cousin Nathan)- a lot of chaos, but great to see everyone and attempt to pass Chase around. He's still having a hard time with crowds if you will, but as he gets older he'll acclimate better. Trying to wind down after such a busy morning & afternoon- the playmat is our best friend at the moment :) Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend as well!

Happy 14 Weeks (and a day)

Since I was slacking yesterday on posting, we are a day behind :) Running around to get Kaely to school, walking to the store for exercise & a couple items, trying to clean house (haha), and Dave surprising us by coming home early... before you know it, the day is over!

Chase is back to his routine of waking up to eat every 3-4 hours at night, and being awake more often during the day- doesn't appear to have grown any longer- but his recognition & interaction has definitely changed in the past week. He is the happiest baby in the world first thing in the morning, all smiles & silent laughs- makes waking up worthwhile :)

Easter Eggs!

Nearly ran out of time this week to tackle this tradition- but can't miss out! By this time next year Chase will be toddling around to find where they are hidden :) I went the cheap route and just used food dye and a crayon, but it works ;) Fun stuff!

Ahhhh... Quiet...

Not gonna lie- I cannot tell you how nice it is right now to just sit down with Chase and have quiet for a couple hours. Seems lately we're always on the go, always someone to see, something to do, racing against the clock until you fall over from exhaustion. So today- we're going to enjoy being bums and playing- just us :) The morning was a good start- this is why I'm leaning now towards visits and getting things done in the morning while he's in a good mood. I know it's not convenient for most- but for the sake of sanity? Evenings are now reserved for "quiet time"- too stressful otherwise! :)

Here is another glimpse into our morning- I love how vocal he's become! My sister & I discussed last night how hers is physically advanced- between size and "strength," but how Chase continues to advance quicker "mentally" if you will. We decided Chase will be the trouble maker- sneaky, witty, and charming. Nathan will be the hell on wheels- bull-dozing through everything, breaking things, and constantly needing band-aids and ER visits. LOL- we'll see how the future years treat us :)