The help- first off- is appreciated of course. With the costs of daycare, and number of children that are there- it's a rough choice to make. So being able to turn to "free" resources such as family- is a good thing- usually. When you start to run into generation gaps between the mentality "I raised x number of children, and they turned out fine!" and "you should do this," or "this is the way it needs to be done..." it can cause a lot of turmoil.
First- let's accept the fact that things change over time. Scientific evidence, adjusting to our environment, proven studies, or just plain a difference in beliefs/habits- make it necessary for caregivers to keep an open mind to the fact that what may have worked 20+ years ago, does not necessarily make it safe now. For example? Kids did not sit in carseats for more than a year or two 20+ years ago- much less sitting in booster seats until they're in middle school (okay, up to 80 lbs). Looking at 30-40+ years ago, you'd have "mom" sitting in the backseat holding the baby- no carseat at all. Ummm- yeah. Again- things change for safety!
Secondly- the caregiver may have bottle fed vs. breastfed, or vice versa- and this makes a big difference in eating habits, bowel movements, weight gain, etc. For the most part, it's hard to "underfeed" a breastfed baby since our bodies adjust to the needs of the baby. Each and every baby is different, just as each week/month the appetites and food demands change- with growth spurts and other cycles, they may need to eat every 2 hours or every 4 hours- 2 oz vs 6 oz- but guess what? Mom usually knows best! Do NOT assume you know that the baby is starving and needs to eat every hour just because he's crying- they cry for a lot of other reasons. This completely throws off schedules, breastmilk supply & demand, and makes it a living hell after you are done watching them. If you are given enough breastmilk to last for the time you are watching them- listen to mom! On that note- do not ever offer a breast fed baby formula, cereal, etc unless it is supplied or expressly approved by mom. This can be dangerous, not to mention disrespectful.
Thirdly- do NOT hold the baby the entire time! Babies need stimulation, some down time, playtime, etc. Sure, snuggle and spend the time together- but put them down! Maybe you enjoy it, but if you ignore this advice, and it's time to give them back to mom & dad, now the baby refuses to be put down without screaming the entire time. They need time to self-soothe, to exercise a bit, and have a balance. Again, ignoring this is disrespectful and selfish when it comes to all the hard work mom has put in the previous 6+ weeks to get them to the point where they can be comfortably alone.
Fourth- if mom (or dad) suggests holding them a certain way, the need to rock, or vice versa, the need to have low stimulation- please listen! We (as parents) have spent quite a bit of time knowing what works best for our babies, and for the sake of safety, comfort, and their best interest- we are trying to help both you & the baby by making these suggestions. For instance- Nathan needs to be kept moving- rock him, walk with him, etc when he's upset. Chase on the other hand, gets overstimulated, and needs to be kept in one position and soothed for a minute to calm down. When I make these suggestions- PLEASE LISTEN! It is hard enough to share the babies, it's even worse to hear them scream bloody murder because they are overstimulated.
Fifth- babies are babies- not dogs. Do not use "tricks" on them that you would a dog. If the baby holds his breath as he is screaming- it is NOT necessary to blow in their face to startle them to breathe. Seriously? Is an explanation necessary?
There are quite a few other issues I know I'm overlooking that have come up- BUT- just remember that it's hard to let go of our babies- especially if you have to return to work so soon. It takes a lot of trust and tears to hand them over out of necessity. I know my sister wouldn't if she didn't absolutely have to, but since she has no choice, she has to turn to family. Even I recognize that her baby is entirely different from Chase- Chase will eat every 2 hours or so, and Nathan can go 4 hours between feedings. Methods to calm down Chase varies a lot from Nathan. Even though our kids are close in age- that still doesn't give me the right to force my "knowledge" of what works for me on her- I have to respect her methods and preferences for HER baby! I have not come to the point of letting anyone watch Chase yet- and don't see a need or desire to any time soon. If and when I feel comfortable enough to do so, I will vocalize that- but in the meantime- do not take it personally! And chances are I will trust my sister first since she is in the same boat and more aware of the need to be respectful and conscious of our parenting choices.
Oh well- just a PSA in case you have a niece/nephew/grandchild/friend that needs your care. Those couple hours of "help" can cause a world of trouble after weeks of hard work. Enjoy your time, snuggle, but don't forget that it's not your baby- and you must give them back eventually...
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