My Sister's "Giant" Baby

Okay, it was very random that my sister and I ended up due less than 2 weeks apart- both with boys- this is her first baby though. So we've had a lot of good laughs over the miseries of pregnancy as we went along... but of course no one expected our little boy to give me such a hard time, and show up so early! So while I've been stressing over the NICU and other issues of the preemie-life, she continues to grow and be tormented by stretching skin, cankles and Flintstone feet, and the horrible 30-min bladder life. To top it off, she went in today for her 37 week ultrasound to find an estimated size of 8lbs for her baby boy. Hahahaha... poor girl. So at this rate she could easily have a 9-10 pounder if he goes all the way to his due date (and the ultrasound is accurate at all- they estimated Chase to be 3 1/2 lbs, and he ended up over 4lbs).

My sister from Jen's photo shoot at the house:

Something about knowing Chase at 1 month old (yesterday), is about half the weight of what his little cousin will be at birth, well... it's kinda scary. I'm going to look at her bundle of joy and think he's a giant! Heck, I'll be able to use her hand-me-downs probably for the new few months. Granted- I am confident Chase will catch up in weight by the end of the year at least, in the meantime I guess we're stuck being off the charts (on the bottom end)- even for a preemie/adjusted age- even if he weren't considered "IUGR"- Dave & I aren't the biggest people in the world, so poor kid will have some work to do to catch up!

(Last night) ...was the first time using the bath with the newborn sling- he absolutely loved it! Ended up closing his eyes for half of it, almost snoozing...  made me jealous- I want a bath!!! One more thing to wait for my "6 week checkup" for... grrrrr (with the incision site I can't soak in a tub still)... Nothing like the smell of a freshly bathed baby... so sweet!

Thank You!

Just wanted to thank our friends & family, not only for all of your support and prayers over the past month or so, but for understanding how important it was for Dave & I to have this past weekend for just us, to have a chance to be with Chase at home, and remember what it was like to be around each other again.

I know everyone is anxious to see Chase again soon- and we will get everyone over here sooner than later- but it is an adjustment, plus for health and over-stimulation reasons we have to take it slow...

So- again- thank you for your understanding! I needed this weekend more than anything for our family...

Just a quiet morning with just Chase & I- Kaely gets home from school later... for now we'll just have fun staring at each other ;)

The Post-Baby Food Revolution

Sitting around the house today enjoying doing a whole lot of nothing- the topic of grocery shopping came up. This made me think, okay, I hit my post-30 birthday yesterday, have passed the height of the NICU crisis, and really need to start getting back into a healthy routine. Yes, I'm counting down for my 6 week checkup to get cleared for exercise & activity- but I really am running out of excuses regarding eating healthy everyday.

The perks of breastfeeding include the approximate 500 extra calories burned daily simply by feeding your child (and saving a ton of money and your sense of smell vs. formula)... but it also means the chore of eating. Hard to explain unless you've been pregnant and realize how much of a task eating enough- and enough of the good stuff- really is. Granted I'm free to eat sushi, cold cuts, and a lot of other tabu foods once again- so yay! But I have to eat more calcium rich foods than even in pregnancy, as much protein, iron, whole grains, fruits, veggies, etc. When you factor in a 20 minute feeding every 2 hours, plus sleep somewhere, taking care of Kaely, the dogs, the house, my hair, and so on- the eating part gets pushed aside- LOL.

Soooooo- I've decided to put it back on the priority list today- because it's Chase's medicine so to speak, and he needs every bit of good nutrition he can get. So this is my public announcement of my own delayed New Year's Resolution... and in another 2 weeks I'm itching to get back on the yoga/pilates kick and to try out letting Kaely ride her bike to school while Chase & I walk/jog... can't wait!

Chase's updates? He is being happily cuddled between mom & dad, and continuing to gain weight, a bit of chunk, and looking wonderful. He exercises his lungs when he wakes up- but is quickly sated by being fed. Simple needs... he keeps having increased periods of alertness, which is kind of odd to adjust to now- he spent a good hour this morning staring and checking it all out. So we have lots of "chats" and exploration during this time... put him into a "newborn" sized outfit today- filled it out pretty well aside from the length of the sleeves- he's growing so quickly! Just trying to savor these moments with Dad here, and the gorgeous weather outside, these moments go by too fast.

My Favorite Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me! I get to spend it with my two favorite boys, nice and quiet here at home... I thought Chase might be here for my birthday- just not a full month ahead! Just grateful he's so beautiful & healthy, and we can be in the comfort of our home...

Yesterday I discovered the magical powers of my blow-dryer. Chase had recently eaten, been changed, etc- so was just fussy because he woke up and I wasn't holding him basically. I desperately needed to do something to my hair- it's been only part of my neglected looks. Sure enough- seconds after I turned on the hair dryer (I had the pack & play set up by the door of the bathroom so I could see him the whole time), he stopped crying and went back to sleep... amazing! As soon as I turned it off? Cries & screams! Turn it back on, quiet- and sleep. Haha- white noise magic! Fantastic!

Worked on getting hand prints last night for the memory book & framed prints... this was the result 2 seconds later... oh boy...(damage control and straight to the bath for this...)

So we dredged up a copy of my hospital newborn photo (thanks Pop!)- I have to get Dave's on here too- fun stuff- he definitely looks mostly like Dave, but I guess has the crazy eyes like me- LOL

"Mom" around 2 days

"Dad" around 2 days

Chase around 4 weeks

Here's to a wonderful day ahead, starting off right by getting to "sleep in" until 9am today! Wahoo... the magic of letting him sleep on me that lets me sleep- spoiled? Perhaps, but definitely worth it to catch up! Thanks everyone for the messages today- can't wait to get together as he gets older- by next year we'll definitely celebrate our birthdays again :)

Happy 4 Weeks!!!

Woah time is flying!!! Even in the few days since we've been home, I am amazed at the changes I've seen in our little guy- and heck- even in myself with him. He has mastered the art of eating- haven't seen him choke since we left the hospital. The reflux/spit up episodes are minimal- I think he's done better at pacing himself and not overeating. Spends at least a full hour stretch alert and awake checking everything out- usually after our afternoon nap. He distinctly knows how to manipulate me- lol- he actually finds a way to scoot all the way over to the side of the co-sleeper closest to where I'm at. Then I usually give in and snuggle him for a while. I think I've gotten over the fear of staring at him to make sure he's breathing- for the most part :)


I learned to make coffee again- and am thoroughly enjoying a big mug of it now. Amazingly remembered it was trash day- and managed to get it all out in time. Have mastered making breakfast and breastfeeding at the same time- lol- something about him taking about 20 minutes to eat that gets in the way of feeding Kaely before school too :) Am loving walking the dogs (ok, for short mini-walks)- and soaking up the fresh air and gorgeous weather we've had. Rearranged his baby gear again- going to try using the pack & play for a bassinet in our room so we can fit in the bed (I officially miss our bedroom furniture- the guest bed just isn't the same!)- lol. Kaely even set up a tent in our room- my compromise- to be a part of the slumber party- complete with both dogs- go figure!

*Goal for next week? Change into real clothes before taking Kaely to school (instead of pajamas-lol)

Oh- and officially got peed on again last night, as Kaely asked to look at what the poop in the diaper looked like (really???), I turned my attention for half a second and paid the price. LOL. UGH!

He is doing absolutely amazing- and is getting downright chubby for him! I know he's still tiny to others, but seeing the progress over these 4 weeks, and how much each day means to me, I am soooo proud of him! I look forward to every day to come!

Back to Reality

Quite an uneventful day... aside from trying to figure out our sleeping situation, I think we've got some sort of schedule down... although, I think we're still flipped on days/nights- considering we got a solid 3 hour nap this afternoon. Hmmm. But- at least we're sleeping!!! I have a hard time believing it was just a couple days ago we were still in the hospital, it really feels great being home.

One thing I will say- being at the hospital spoiled me on diapers! Now I know why Pampers has a contract- to get parents used to going through diapers like water, then you get home and realize it's a pack every day or two- LOL. Nah, not too bad, but he did do his usual poop on the clean diaper before I even fastened it earlier- made me stop, stare, and go "awwww man..." - now I have to use another new one. LOL. That, and changing a diaper by the glowing light of a nightlight while half asleep- praying he doesn't pee in my face. That would be fun.

The honeymoon period with Kaely was short-lived... gotta love fights over homework and food. Make me wanna scream! Then on top of the normal frustrations I feel bad because I know she feels left-out in some ways too- such a hard juggle! I don't know how people do this all the time- lots of credit your way :)

Well... a quiet day for now :) We'll see what tomorrow brings (4 weeks old!)...

Car Seat Safety- Things I Didn't Know...

Okay, I touched on this a while back after we took our CPR/Car Seat Safety Class, but... thought I'd share my own mistakes & misconceptions- and publicly apologize to Kaely for not knowing any better!

One of the first things I purchased when I thought he may be smaller- or even just for the newborn time frame, was the car seat positioner/support. I figured it'd help keep him snug in there, and be more comfortable... 

1. 
   So the fact about these products are that they are "after-market" and are not tested with the car seat- more-so, that the head positioner can actually get behind the baby's head and push it forward, causing the airway to be blocked/compromised. It also can affect how securely they are strapped into the seat, creating a gap that could prevent the effectiveness during an accident. Crap- one thing I have to get rid of.
   
2. The mirror for the car- so that I can see him in my rear-view mirror- especially on those long drives where I'm freaking out about whether he's breathing or not...
   
   Buuuutttt... yet another thing that could actually be more harmful to the baby in the event of an accident. While we're at it, we have to add things like the "Baby on Board" signs, the sunshades, harness strap covers, the toys that hang on the seat, etc. They can become projectiles and seriously/fatally injure the baby (or anyone else in the car) during a serious accident. Hmmmm, more things to return...
   
3. Turning the car seat around at 1 year of age or 20 pounds... I distinctly recall this when Kaely was a baby- she was stuck at 18 lbs forever, and we kept waiting to turn her around. She loved being able to look out the front and see all that was going on. However... it is now recommended to keep the seat rear-facing as long as possible, until at least 2-3 years of age, if not longer- even if their legs have to be folded to fit, the rear-facing seats protect the child from fatal injuries by cradling them and moving with the motion of the car to reduce the injury to their neck and spinal cord, especially considering the statistics of front impact vs. rear impact accidents- they say that it is 5 times safer to sit facing the rear. It really is a "no-brainer" to keep them facing the back. Sorry if it upsets them.
   
4. Making sure they are strapped in correctly- apparently I never had Kaely strapped in tight enough. Basically if it seems to be too tight, it is probably right. First with Chase being so small, we used rolled up receiving blankets to make sure that he would not be slumped over to either side (this is approved for safety), and a rolled up washcloth at the crotch area to keep him pushed up/back. Then, you need to make sure the straps are at or just below the shoulders- not above. The chest piece needs to be at the chest- not at their neck, and not below the sternum- this could cause serious injuries to their abdominal organs. So around the nipple line. Then, the straps need to be pulled tight enough that you cannot pinch any slack in the straps. Trust me when it seems like it's too tight- but this way during a high-speed crash, there is no room for the baby to be ejected. I quickly found that you will need to adjust each time as well depending on what they are wearing. Be sure not to strap them in with any jackets, blankets, etc on because this can prevent them from being properly restrained- place the blanket or jacket over them after securing the straps.
   
   
   
5. Using the anchor or LATCH system in your car- I love this system personally- but even that isn't simple or black & white... making sure to use the correct anchors in the back- you need to read your car's owner's manual. If there are only two "systems" in the car, it should be fairly straightforward. However, if there is a third, for the middle seat, you may need to locate which bar is where. You do not want to have the car seat strapped to separate bars, as it will not be as secure or effective. Do not use both the LATCH system and a seat belt at the same time.
   
   
6. Ways to make the seat level in a car with bucket seats (like ours)... I tried to install the base at 3am the morning we were heading to the hospital for the c-section- I had no clue we'd spend nearly a month at the hospital and have all the time in the world to do this. However, there was no way of making the seat level without props because of how the seat was designed. So, the recommended way? Using a swim noodle cut up, or rolling up towel(s). You may have to play with this a bit- even when we thought we had it level, once we actually had Chase in the seat, his little bit of weight changed the angle. It's important for both the safety of the seat, as well as for his ability to be able to breathe and be positioned correctly.
   
7. Other things include of course never placing the car seat in the front seat- the back is always the safest. Be sure to be aware of the car seat's "expiration" date- they are usually only good for 5-6 years tops. Each seat is different. Different seats for different ages- currently we are using an infant carrier, but will eventually have to upgrade to a convertible seat appropriate for his height/weight. Like Kaely, he'll be in some sort of car seat until probably 12+ years of age- the booster seats are necessary to keep the shoulder harness of the seat belt positioned correctly to prevent further injuries. 

There are sooooo many more details that I'm sure I'm missing- but wanted to share my own ignorance, even though I have already been a mom- things have changed a lot. Considering the number of deaths & injuries that car accidents are responsible for, it's extremely important to make this a top priority. 

I hope the family understands why I've always been hesitant to let anyone drive Kaely around- it'll be the same for Chase... but at least knowing ways to help prevent injuries is a huge step. So glad we had the chance to take the safety class!

The New Normal...

Wow. I have to laugh at how it feels like I'm racing all day to do a whole lot of nothing :) Nah... it's just trying to create some sort of routine/schedule- and going to the pediatrician yesterday threw everything off track. Instead of a steady 2-3 hour sleep/eat schedule I think he was up every hour- just too much going on at once. By last night though I believe we are back on again though (I hope!). This is why as much as we appreciate everyone's gracious offers for help and to come out, it's even harder to throw more people/events into the loop. We have to figure out how to adjust- and fortunately Kaely is such a huge help! I was shocked yesterday when she informed me that yes, she rides her bike without training wheels now, and went on a 10 mile bike ride with her dad/grandparents- and yes I had to confirm those facts. Holy crap! When I left to have Chase she was still my little girl- now all of a sudden she is all grown up :( She walks the dogs with me, feeds them, can help vacuum, bathes/dresses herself, etc... I can't imagine having a little kid now with a baby, that would be quite the challenge!

My favorite part about being back home? Last night reading our bedtime story with both Kaely and Chase- she read him my favorite book I used to read to her when she was a baby- and they both fell asleep in my arms last night... I am so incredibly blessed!

As far as Chase's updates? Well, we won't have as many statistics, but at the doctor he did measure 5 lbs 4oz, and 17 1/2"... our doc said he was amazing and perfect :) Next followup appointment will be in 2 weeks.

One thing I am missing? (Aside from the people of course) Is my morning coffee... LOL. Times when I wish I had one of those Keurig coffeemakers since I only want one cup- and the stuff at the house just isn't the same now... ah how times change :)

25 Days and Lovin' it!

Okay, now that I can breathe a little easier- I can say how glad I am that we decided to wait a couple days- as hard as it was at the time. It's sooooo bizarre to walk around without wires and cords attached (I still find myself reaching for them before standing up), and got to take a brief walk outside yesterday while Dave walked the dogs. I didn't realize how much I missed the simple things in life, such as fresh air and being able to shower as long as I want or grab something to eat/drink out of the kitchen without Chase ever being out of sight. Granted, I still stare at him counting/observing respirations, or just making sure all is good- but the changes he made in the past week are huge! The dogs are so relieved to have us at the house  again, even if Bea keeps looking at me worried when Chase decides to speak up- then even behaved on our walk this morning.

We survived the first night- I tried out the co-sleeper bassinet that goes in the bed- I think it's a good thing in a bigger bed- not sure if it'll be a long term use item (beyond the next couple weeks). I may look around for a stand-alone bassinet to put next to the bed- we'll see. He has stuck to his 2 hour schedule pretty closely, woke up around midnight and was mad as anything, ended up kangarooing with him and passing out in the recliner- wasn't ideal, but did give us both 3 hours sleep. We are both drenched in milk now (as I am trying to wean off the pump since I don't have the electric one here, and quite frankly just want to enjoy being around him without having to pump too), but we can laugh- that's what showers are for. Oh, this is the ridiculous frozen milk supply- luckily we were able to rearrange to fit in the freezer- but not really room for anymore- another reason I don't want to pump anymore. I was able to hand-express 60mLs just to give a little relief from the pain- and to give him a little to take his vitamins (sorry if it's TMI for you! LOL)...

Heading to the pediatrician this morning, a little nervous about driving him by myself (without being in the back with him), but I think he'll be fine. Still waking up, he's snoozing in the bassinet part of the pack & play while I try to clear the cobwebs from my brain and start getting us ready to head out... I'm sure I'll get some good pics later- natural light and no wires make a big difference!

Bathtime before the doctor's... can't smell like sour milk! :) 

Finally back home with big sis... I missed my baby girl!!! She looks like she's 5 years older in the weeks I've been gone... 

There's No Place Like Home...

We made it! :) Chase leaves today 24 days later at nearly 5lbs (8 grams shy... 4lb 15.7oz), and looking wonderful! Been on pins and needles all weekend, it was such an odd feeling being able to sit in the car with him. I think he was just waiting on Carrie to return so she could walk him out ...

In any case, not a whole lot to write at the moment, trying to get the house straightened back up and unpacked- just enjoying being able to relax and truly savor these moments... will write more sooner than later!

Just Another Day in Paradise...

Waking up almost 4 hours after he last ate this morning- I think my body went into shock from having "so much" consecutive sleep. If you had seen the looks on the faces of the nurses, receptionist, and security guards, then I can only imagine how scary I must've looked walking downstairs to get my cup of coffee. LOL.

Once again I've acclimated to our "living" situation, and while I'm praying to go home tomorrow, am just trying not to think about it. It's a quiet day here in our "pod"- the triplets went home yesterday (I can't believe they beat us!), and for some reason all the babies are sleeping. Kind of odd.

On the random note, trying to figure out what the heck to do with all this breastmilk we have stored here. Apparently I have over 50 - 8+oz bottles in the freezer here, plus about 15 smaller 2oz bottles. That's a lot of milk. After being shown the website "OnlytheBreast.com" - basically a Craigslist for milk, selling anywhere from $1-$5 per oz- uhhh, doing the math that's anywhere from a ballpark of $500-$2500 in milk. Holy crap. Which brought up the whole concept of finding a pump for the house (a good one is crazy expensive)- I had called insurance to check the other day, but they said they don't cover it. But talking to the nurses & lactation, they wrote a script for us, so we'll see if that'll work. Would be a much easier way, especially for when I go back to school and can't be around 24/7. Oh the joys of motherhood :)

Chase's updates...


                       Birth:                         Now:
Weight:           1862g (4 lb 2 oz)     2202 g  (4 lb 13.7oz)
Length:            43 cm  (16.9")         44 cm (17.3")
Head:              30 cm                      32 cm

Especially considering his weight had dropped down to around 3 lbs 10 oz after the first couple days, we've made awesome progress on the weight... missed celebrating his 3 week birthday Friday since we were pouting about not going home, but at 23 days old, he also celebrates his "37 week" gestational age- which would make him "full term." Even with the setbacks, he's doing more than we should expect of him, and especially considering his unfair label of being the "Wimpy White Boy"... must be the Armenian in him :) lol.

Here's to hoping for a quiet, uneventful day of him staying out of trouble :)

Rolling the Die...

So after I've calmed down from yesterday's disappointment, we are faced with a big decision- which- had it been offered yesterday wouldn't have been given a second thought, but today... sigh... So now we are being offered the option of going home today with the monitor- or wait it out until Monday for no monitor. But... it's going to be the same gamble- if he gets into "trouble" between now and then, then we may end up going home with a monitor Monday afterall, or even worse, yet again be held here for further observation, when we could just be home the whole time... it's a horrible decision to have to make- of course we want to be home already, as our nurses have said, there really isn't anything they're doing (aside from observing), since we're here all the time and he's being breastfed, etc... but if we did go home with a monitor- everyone has warned it's awful. That it's loud, often goes off for no reason, it's bulky and awkward, and it's at least a month's commitment. Part of us think the peace of mind that would go with it is nice- but we've been told that if it does go off and we have to take him to the ER for any reason, chances are he'd be tortured more or less with spinal taps, bloodwork, etc - unnecessarily simply because they don't know him or his case.

Had the disappointment not happened yesterday- I would've been fine being here a few more days- I've adjusted to this lifestyle if you will, and at least I get to be with him 24/7, almost as if we were home. But let's face it, I desperately miss Kaely, and to be able to eat/sleep/shower at home without it being a big production would be delightful. To be able to share a bed with my husband (and not take turns sleeping in the murphy bed and rocking chair here)... all of this I miss dearly. But... is it worth the gamble???

I guess I'll sit and chew on these thoughts for a bit longer- at the end of the day I guess our desire to be home is selfish, and what really needs to be considered is Chase's safety. I hate that it's being left up to me- and either way, monitor or no monitor, I'll be there with him 24/7 for the next few months, and feel pretty confident after spending these weeks in the NICU.

Chase's updates? Nothing too drastic- he gained 1 gram last night from yesterday- soon enough we'll do weekly weights which will be easier to compare rather than the hourly/daily changes that are seen between feedings. He's continuing to eat like a champ, and defines his schedule now- more like every 2 hours (UGH)... only problem is he's starting to take too much at feeding and reflux has begun... but otherwise all is good. He's growing out of some of his preemie clothes already it seems. Even the outfit for today will not likely fit next week. He's a champ, no doubt!

Too Good to be True...

Unfortunately we just got news that the on-call doctor doesn't want to discharge Chase because of a brady that was recorded yesterday- so not only do we not get to go home with or without monitors, but they decided to hold him for observation at least until Monday.

Obviously we are devastated- I think the exhaustion is finally catching up to me. I hoped that for once my feeling that something was going to happen wasn't true, but was not the case... I suppose it's for the best.

*My two cents on consistency. This is simply my vent due to a buildup of frustration and disappointment, but I am sooooo tired of inconsistency day to day, shift to shift. It's luck of the draw with who the physician or nurse is, and what their founding theories are based on, or whether or not they have the empathy to relate to the situations at hand. Even aside from having several nurse practioners and doctors give varying opinions about this discharge situation- which I'd asked several times over several days to be sure- since Dave had to request off work again and make the 4 hour trip back up here- I would've opted differently had I know that option "C" would exist of not even being able to go home. I'm frustrated that it seems each nurse defines what a "brady" is differently, and records it or not based on what their opinion is. I'm tired of the early situations such as being harassed about not wanting to use a pacifer, or being told it's impossible to go home unless he bottle-feeds, or that kangarooing/holding him too much is actually a stressor to him. I'm frustrated that because of the "weigh in" situation a couple days ago, that we're now walking on egg-shells about his weight gain/loss because it's hard to get a consistent time now- especially since he doesn't eat at exactly the same time with the same amount all day like before. I'm given a hard time about "spoiling him" by kangarooing after meals, or that I feed him too often, or not often enough. I actually sat here and was made to feel bad because he slept for about 3 1/2 hours straight- since the previous period he was awake for at least an hour- and was likely tired from it. Anyone who has seen his intake numbers should know that he tends to overeat anyway. It's not like I was trying to starve him by not waking him up to eat- I was doing what I thought we should do, and was told to do- by watching for his cues and he's been known to sleep in 3+hour sleep cycles during the day and 2-hour sleep cycles at night. When I'm having a mini-breakdown today, I just need my space, and sometimes people who do not have children cannot relate and simply want to keep repeating the mantra of "it's what's best for him if the doctor thinks so" - which may be true, but right now I just don't want to hear it.

Don't get me wrong, I have been very, very blessed with a large number of amazing people, I'm just tired, heartbroken, and frustrated that I have at least another 3 nights here... all I ask is for consistency, but I know with so many people involved I'm asking too much.

Will post his updates later...

Bittersweet

You often read literature about events, and how people may feel or behave- but often you rarely believe them. When I read that some people may feel depressed or sad about leaving the NICU, I thought they were nuts. We've worked so hard for this day to arrive, how could you possibly be anything but elated? But now I know...

Spending the past day or so telling every stranger, receptionist, nurse, lactation consultant, security guard, etc. that I've come to meet over the past 3 weeks about Chase's progress and that we are supposed to be going home Friday, I realize that it also means saying "see ya later" to all the wonderful people who have been absolute God-sends to us through this terrifying experience. Even last night, it was such a jubilant atmosphere with our evening crew, celebrating all the victories we've accomplished this week alone, being able to laugh and share stories was such a stark contrast to the tension, stress & worry from even a week ago. Seeing the excitement they shared with us made me realize how much more than "just a job" this is for them. They've become invaluable parts of our own little family here. So today while I'm ecstatic about leaving, I am truly going to miss it here. Words will never be able to express our gratitude and affection...

As far as updates on our little man... he continues to gain weight- we're still a little off on our numbers depending on when he's being weighed now (based on before/after he eats), but he's a little over 4lbs 13oz... He's gotten all his blood-work, immunizations, etc ready for discharge- just watching his brady/apnea activity. A chance we may go home tomorrow with a monitor- but quite frankly, I'd rather be safe if that's what they think is best. The little stinker has figured out the benefits of going "ad lib" - habits which I need to quickly curb & retrain- haha. He had me up every 2 hours last night- I realize a lot of that may have just been him wanting to be cuddled rather than eat- so I'll see what happens tonight if I can push off some feedings... talk about feeling like a zombie today! And of course he's sleeping peacefully now that the sun is up. Grrrr... :)

Hard to believe the difference a week makes, and I only have confidence his progress will continue on, continuing to amaze us all...

Famous Preemies...

Random tidbits found in the back of the book I was reading... according to this the following people were born too early, but lived to thrive and become common names throughout history:

• Moses (from the Bible)
• Johannes Kepler (one of the fathers of modern astronomy)
• Isaac Newton
• Jean-Jacques Rousseau and Voltaire (famous French writers/philosophers)
• Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (poet, novelist, dramatist) 
• John Keats (poet)
• Mark Twain (duh)
• Winston Churchill
• Albert Einstein
• Anna Pavlova (famous Russian ballerina)
• Willie Shoemaker (jockey)
• Stevie Wonder
• Napoleon Bonaparte
• Charles Dawin
• Pierre-August Renoir
• Thomas Hobbes
• Colin Farrell
• Michael J. Fox
• Sidney Poitier
• Suzanne Vega (singer)
• Tiki & Ronde Barber (NFL)

Just saying! So what if he's a little older than he should be? Just tack on a bit of experience to his early years :) That much more room & time for creativity & brilliance to grow... all in all, especially with modern technology now, there won't be anything stopping him from accomplishing his dreams- and we all know they'll be out of this world! 

His recent updates: just over 4lbs 12oz (found that we skewed the weight a bit the other night since he was weighed after his feeding- caused a bit of trouble- but either way he's still gaining). He's a pro now at feeding- we are officially "ad lib" now ("as desired") meaning he can eat when he wants and as much as he wants. Of course we still keep track of his intake and make sure he's eating at least every 4 hours- but in the last days here it's a way to establish a routine between him & I- how exciting to know we'll be home soon! Hard to believe that almost overnight it seems to have gone from an indefinite time frame, to knowing in a matter of days we'll be home. I cannot wait for those daytime naps!!! :) That and an unlimited supply of milk, cheese & other grocery items readily available for me to consume in our fridge! I have a feeling though there will be an adjustment period without the noises and bustle of the NICU, I think I'll definitely miss it here in my own way. 

A huge thanks to everyone who has helped us the past few weeks- between food, prayers, support, dog walking, house cleaning, taking care of Kaely (and watching out for her at school), etc- it's been a humbling experience to finally admit that we need help, and accept it for the sake of our family as a whole. I look forward to the day when I can repay the same... 

Will try to update again later with photos... 

Sheer Determination!

If I hadn't believed in all the motivation & determination phrases and mantras before, I sure do now! Something about being told I can't do something that motivates me to try that much harder to prove them wrong... looks like our little man feels the same way! After quite a few ups and downs- especially with breastfeeding- we are hugely rewarded with a consistent and impressive couple days of feeding which has kept his NG tube out (okay, we accidentally pulled it out yesterday afternoon- but... he proved himself that we've been able to keep it out thus far). This in itself would've kept me on cloud nine, but then we were given word of needing to go ahead and do the "carseat test"- which is one of the last steps out! Let me tell you, watching him for the 90 minutes, holding my breath making sure he didn't have any "episodes" that would disqualify him from leaving anytime soon- LOL- torture!

Then to make things even better, our doctor came by and gave me the option... that he looks fantastic and because of the caffeine (remember it takes 5-7 days to leave the system entirely), that we could either go home in the next day or two on monitors, or wait until Friday to make sure he doesn't have any apnea/brady episodes. For the sake of Dave being here when we get to walk out those doors, and just to play it safe, I opted for Friday... but FRIDAY!!!! AHHHH!!!! Soooooo amazing and exciting to hear that we could be home in just a couple days. I have been in a daze without a doubt. Granted it does put me in the situation of being terrified something will happen before then that will push it back, and have to deal with the disappointment, but I'm just relishing the moments of success as they come. I hope everyone will understand that for the first few days at least, that Dave & I will want to hide at home alone and just cherish the time before we bring in visitors- so my apologies in advance!

Also, another random tidbit, was being approached by the lactation consultant team. They inquired about using Chase & I for a case study to be used for other lactation consultants. I say, why not? So we just talked about our experience here from day 1, from pumping & nuzzling, to kangarooing & nursing, to the varying opinions received by the nurses & doctors. They took some photos of Chase & I, it was kinda cool after-all, because my desire to share the encouragement I've received, and let other moms know that options are available, and that a lot of these things are not as impossible as they seem... makes my desire to be a nurse that much stronger- to be an advocate and be able to be there for others when things are at their worst.

In any case, here are a couple pics- such a great day, but starting to wind down, letting exhaustion crash in- in a good way though... I hope Chase knows how incredibly proud I am of him- what a great team player he is!!! :)

By George, I Think He's Got It!

Chase's updates... well, he weighed in at a hefty 4 lbs 8.7oz- wahoo! And, even more amazingly, has all of a sudden taken off on his feedings... it's like it just clicked and there he goes! Still holding my breath hoping it continues- no pressure, right? We are close to losing the NG tube and being able to go "ad lib" on his feedings- letting him dictate when he's hungry rather than conform him to the schedule set for him. Pretty exciting! This is a short clip from bathtime last night- meant to catch the full "tub" part- he was so serene when placed in the water- makes me long for a relaxing bath myself! Thought I'd share since most the time he's sleeping or eating :)

Day 16...

Has it really been 16 days now??? It is seriously the middle of January already- insane!

Well, after a very frustrating day of attempting to nurse yesterday- and him sleeping almost the whole day- we had a HUGE accomplishment of 40mL's- his exact feed amount- last night at 9pm. Again, I cannot tell you how much it makes me want to cry with relief... it was followed by a 24mL, skipped one, then a 14mL, then this morning's feed at 24mL's again. He is so alert and determined when it comes to feeding now- we just have to stay consistent ;)

He pulled his feeding tube out again last night- is that a sign? lol. It's up to him when it comes out. Oh, and they started him on the liquid vitamins (with iron) - UGH! Talk about a horrible smell... oh well, it's for the best.

He weighed in at just under 4lbs 8oz- an awesome gain again- he's growing up! Everything else is just staying steady, not much else to work on other than feeding. Even his brady's were minimal yesterday- another big relief. He's just amazing!

I'm sure I'll update more later, but at least wanted to share the fun stuff of accomplishments :)

Scrub-a-dub-dub...

As the days to escape near, it makes things even more important to make sure he's kept healthy and safe. The topic of scrubbing in has been a fun one, since Dave and I both miss our layers of skin dearly- but for the safety of Chase and his fellow roommates, it is truly essential.

Thing about anti-bacterial products that people misunderstand (sorry- this is microbiology coming back to haunt me) is that it gets rid of all disease and illness causing bacteria.... whiiiiichh.... if you consider the name- is partially true. "Anti-bacterial" means just that- that it kills a majority of bacteria- both good and bad- off the skin. Problem is that it destroys the good flora/bacteria that our body needs, and tends to create "super bugs" as they mutate to adapt. More-so, things like RSV, the flu, colds, hepatitis, etc- are viruses- which are not killed by anti-bacterial products. This is why efficient hand-washing (look up for health-care workers- more than just a little swirl around the sink), and especially the required 3 minute scrub time in order to enter the pods of the NICU are life and death- or at least good health vs. bad. The combination of friction and products removes the unwanted contaminants, and minimizes the risk of transmission to others- especially the immuno-compromised babies who need all the help they can get.

So, that being said- getting in the practice of handwashing (minimum of 30sec-1min -sing happy birthday) on a daily basis, or accepting that scrubbing in for 3 minutes is a small price to pay for the health of the babies. I plan on implementing these rules even when we make it out of here and return home. Being exposed to germs builds immunity- sure- but until the little guy has a chance to gain strength- this will be pretty serious.

Also, for smokers- I am so sorry, but I recommend bringing a change of clothes- because I will likely make you scrub down and change into clothes that have not been exposed to the smoke and nicotine before you can hold and touch him. The residue from the cigarettes clings to the skin and clothing, and the carcinogens wreck havoc on their respiratory system, and can possibly lead to cancer. They consider it "third-hand smoke."

Sooooo- enough of my lecturing for the moment- just wanted to give a head's up to the importance of these practices to keep him healthy and safe.

As far as updates go- he weighed in last night at 4lbs 6.1oz, and while he lagged in the breastfeeding last night (I think he'd rather sleep- I tend to agree), he had another fairly successful morning- about half of his required feeding. They increased his volume to 40mL's every 3 hours- continuing to pack on the weight! Everything else is just a "wait and see" for him to work on those darn brady's and increasing his breastfeeding- so far pretty good!

(All he's done today... zzzzzzzz....)

Happy 2 Weeks!!!

Delayed a bit on posting today since I wanted to surprise Kaely at lunch, and the timing was a bit challenging- buuuutttt... lots of great news!

Last night he weighed in at 4lb 5.8oz- still gaining really well!

This morning he managed to do 20mL via the breast, I had to miss his noon feeding since I was with Kaely, but apparently he was cueing, and would've gone to breast at that point. Now at his 3pm feeding he took 30mL's, which left only 8mL's to gavage- this victory almost brings tears to my eyes because of all that challenges, this is the biggest! From now on I'm to just keep moving forward- they went ahead and had me sign his Hep B immunization authorization form, for discharge- and discussed the carseat test once he's off the feeding tube. Oh- and he's off caffeine now!!! I am ready to do a silly happy dance all throughout the floor- exhaustion and impatience throughout the past 14 days all seems irrelevant now. 

Here's to continuing on the upswing of progress- I am sooooo proud of our little boy!!!

Caffeine Addict

Another heel stick for the poor kid today- to get an idea what his caffeine levels are right before his next dose. This will give the doctor an idea of how he's doing on what levels... that being said, they may be able to discontinue or at least cut back his dosage tomorrow depending on what the lab results say. The doctor again mentioned that they prefer they wean him off completely and have the approximate week following to monitor how he does once he's off- but said worse case he could go home with monitors- fine by me!!! He was impressed with his breastfeeding attempts, and said that it'll just take off one day once he truly "gets it" and then he'll be able to "give him the boot" out of here- best news I heard all day! 

We talked about the RSV vaccine- which apparently we don't "qualify" for- meaning that he's not as much at risk, and the lovely pharmaceutical companies charge $1,000 each injection- which is done monthly through the season- which in Florida is approximately August-April. Ouch. Ridiculous. But he said he wasn't too concerned, and it doesn't prevent a baby from getting the virus, only reduces the length of hospitalization stay typically. So, doesn't look like we'll need that. Discussed the possibility of needing any specialists or pediatricians - and his recommendation was to find one we liked, but that the only problem Chase has is that he's premature- no other issues that we need to concern ourselves with- so that's fantastic! 

He is off his pulse ox sensor (again), but looks like for good this time. Kind of nice to only have one cord to be tied to (his ECG/resp monitors)... he's been kangarooing with me all day- he does so good when he's on me- hard to refuse! His weight last night was 4lbs 4.7oz... a slow weight gain, but again, any gain is good at this point. It's a slow, but steady process, but I'm willing to practice patience. I have my med-surg books here to try to get a head start for when I return to school, and of course ask the poor nurses here a million questions and try to keep as hands on as possible. All in all, I can't complain- out of a bad situation, it's pretty darn nice :) 

Will try to update with photos later!

Chase's Angels

Although I've had a love for nurses before, and have genuinely enjoyed nursing school, nothing could prepare me for how invaluable Chase's nurses have been- truly they are our angels. Yes, I've had a hard time with personality conflicts here and there- but as word got out that I'm the crazy mom who has not left for 12 days, they all look out for us. I now do all diaper changes, temperatures, and girth measurements. I can reset his ECG leads and reposition his pulse ox sensor, and all the while they have been amazingly understanding about my need to "do" something for him and his care. At first I thought we were fortunately enough to have Carrie, Ann, and Joy as our nurses... but through their recommendations we've added Marissa, Kristi, Sherri, Jelda, Arleen, Alex, etc. to our angel list. It definitely helps that Dave got the chocolate distribution out and known ;) 

So, as our list grows, they are known to us as Chase's Angels :) 

His updates! At midnight last night we busted him out of his isolet, and he's in a big boy bed- soooooo exciting! Not to mention how much extra room we have in here, and get to dress him up in his cute clothes :) Still struggling with feeding- he's become spoiled- half the time all he wants is to be held, not even about the food. But our nurse last night decided we should try to see if he'd wake up each feeding, to put him to breast, to get him in the habit of being awake during those times. It's an adjustment for him, and he's not taking a full feeding that way, but baby steps are all we can ask for. 

He is up to 4lbs 4oz last night- not a huge weight gain, but seeing as they often lose weight when they begin to nipple feed - due to the energy spent on the actual act of eating- any gain is significant :) 

Waiting to see the doctor at some point- get an idea of the game plan for weaning him off the caffeine, I think that will happen soon as he shows maturation in his breathing- even if we have a couple "episodes" here and there. He's doing awesome! 

How Do You Kangaroo?

Fortunately shortly before I knew for sure that I would have Chase early, I discovered what they call "kangaroo care" and how it is used in the NICU, among other places and for a variety of reasons. I cannot tell you how therapeutic this has been for me, much less for our baby boy. Now, not everyone is a believer, and this was the stem of issues between a couples nurses and I, but overall, most people are on board with the benefits that just cannot be provided with modern technology. 

This information was found on the March of Dimes website, who of course focus on premature babies -prevention and health. 

Holding your baby close: Kangaroo care

Kangaroo care is the practice of holding your diapered baby on your bare chest (if you're the father) or between your breasts (if you're the mother), with a blanket draped over your baby's back. This skin-to-skin contact benefits both you and your baby.

You may be a little nervous about trying kangaroo care. If your baby is very small or sick, you may be afraid you'll hurt him. But you won't. Your baby knows your scent, touch and the rhythms of your speech and breathing, and he will enjoy feeling that closeness with you. Kangaroo care can help your baby:

• Maintain his body warmth
• Regulate his heart and breathing rates
• Gain weight
• Spend more time in deep sleep
• Spend more time being quiet and alert and less time crying
• Have a better chance of successful breastfeeding (kangaroo care can improve the mother's breastmilk production)

Kangaroo care has emotional benefits for you, too. It builds your confidence as you provide intimate care that can improve your baby's health and well being. You are giving something special to your baby that only you can give. By holding your baby skin-to-skin, you will feel the experience of new parenthood and closeness to your baby. Kangaroo care is healing in many ways, for both you and your baby.

Ask your NICU staff about its policy on kangaroo care. Some NICUs postpone kangaroo care until the infant is medically stable, while others use it from birth onward. Kangaroo care is safe and beneficial, even if your baby is connected to machines. Whatever your situation, kangaroo care is a precious way to be close to your baby. You will cherish this time. 

Just a way to spread the word for moms, dads, nurses, and everyone in between. This has saved me the past 11 days!

Updates on Chase:

He's had a fairly quiet day today, we're just trying to take it easy. He's been fairly consistent with feedings, and showing progress each day. Hoping to see the doctor to bust him out of the isolet, and get into a "big boy bed" - or regular bassinet- looking like tomorrow :) Carrie (our wonderful nurse) just came in to report that there were no brady's all shift- which was amazing! Last night he weighed in at 4lbs 3.3oz- which is more than his birthweight- yay! Will update later with pics & weight...