Sheer Determination!

If I hadn't believed in all the motivation & determination phrases and mantras before, I sure do now! Something about being told I can't do something that motivates me to try that much harder to prove them wrong... looks like our little man feels the same way! After quite a few ups and downs- especially with breastfeeding- we are hugely rewarded with a consistent and impressive couple days of feeding which has kept his NG tube out (okay, we accidentally pulled it out yesterday afternoon- but... he proved himself that we've been able to keep it out thus far). This in itself would've kept me on cloud nine, but then we were given word of needing to go ahead and do the "carseat test"- which is one of the last steps out! Let me tell you, watching him for the 90 minutes, holding my breath making sure he didn't have any "episodes" that would disqualify him from leaving anytime soon- LOL- torture!

Then to make things even better, our doctor came by and gave me the option... that he looks fantastic and because of the caffeine (remember it takes 5-7 days to leave the system entirely), that we could either go home in the next day or two on monitors, or wait until Friday to make sure he doesn't have any apnea/brady episodes. For the sake of Dave being here when we get to walk out those doors, and just to play it safe, I opted for Friday... but FRIDAY!!!! AHHHH!!!! Soooooo amazing and exciting to hear that we could be home in just a couple days. I have been in a daze without a doubt. Granted it does put me in the situation of being terrified something will happen before then that will push it back, and have to deal with the disappointment, but I'm just relishing the moments of success as they come. I hope everyone will understand that for the first few days at least, that Dave & I will want to hide at home alone and just cherish the time before we bring in visitors- so my apologies in advance!

Also, another random tidbit, was being approached by the lactation consultant team. They inquired about using Chase & I for a case study to be used for other lactation consultants. I say, why not? So we just talked about our experience here from day 1, from pumping & nuzzling, to kangarooing & nursing, to the varying opinions received by the nurses & doctors. They took some photos of Chase & I, it was kinda cool after-all, because my desire to share the encouragement I've received, and let other moms know that options are available, and that a lot of these things are not as impossible as they seem... makes my desire to be a nurse that much stronger- to be an advocate and be able to be there for others when things are at their worst.

In any case, here are a couple pics- such a great day, but starting to wind down, letting exhaustion crash in- in a good way though... I hope Chase knows how incredibly proud I am of him- what a great team player he is!!! :)