Unfortunately we just got news that the on-call doctor doesn't want to discharge Chase because of a brady that was recorded yesterday- so not only do we not get to go home with or without monitors, but they decided to hold him for observation at least until Monday.
Obviously we are devastated- I think the exhaustion is finally catching up to me. I hoped that for once my feeling that something was going to happen wasn't true, but was not the case... I suppose it's for the best.
*My two cents on consistency. This is simply my vent due to a buildup of frustration and disappointment, but I am sooooo tired of inconsistency day to day, shift to shift. It's luck of the draw with who the physician or nurse is, and what their founding theories are based on, or whether or not they have the empathy to relate to the situations at hand. Even aside from having several nurse practioners and doctors give varying opinions about this discharge situation- which I'd asked several times over several days to be sure- since Dave had to request off work again and make the 4 hour trip back up here- I would've opted differently had I know that option "C" would exist of not even being able to go home. I'm frustrated that it seems each nurse defines what a "brady" is differently, and records it or not based on what their opinion is. I'm tired of the early situations such as being harassed about not wanting to use a pacifer, or being told it's impossible to go home unless he bottle-feeds, or that kangarooing/holding him too much is actually a stressor to him. I'm frustrated that because of the "weigh in" situation a couple days ago, that we're now walking on egg-shells about his weight gain/loss because it's hard to get a consistent time now- especially since he doesn't eat at exactly the same time with the same amount all day like before. I'm given a hard time about "spoiling him" by kangarooing after meals, or that I feed him too often, or not often enough. I actually sat here and was made to feel bad because he slept for about 3 1/2 hours straight- since the previous period he was awake for at least an hour- and was likely tired from it. Anyone who has seen his intake numbers should know that he tends to overeat anyway. It's not like I was trying to starve him by not waking him up to eat- I was doing what I thought we should do, and was told to do- by watching for his cues and he's been known to sleep in 3+hour sleep cycles during the day and 2-hour sleep cycles at night. When I'm having a mini-breakdown today, I just need my space, and sometimes people who do not have children cannot relate and simply want to keep repeating the mantra of "it's what's best for him if the doctor thinks so" - which may be true, but right now I just don't want to hear it.
Don't get me wrong, I have been very, very blessed with a large number of amazing people, I'm just tired, heartbroken, and frustrated that I have at least another 3 nights here... all I ask is for consistency, but I know with so many people involved I'm asking too much.
Will post his updates later...
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