Rolling the Die...

So after I've calmed down from yesterday's disappointment, we are faced with a big decision- which- had it been offered yesterday wouldn't have been given a second thought, but today... sigh... So now we are being offered the option of going home today with the monitor- or wait it out until Monday for no monitor. But... it's going to be the same gamble- if he gets into "trouble" between now and then, then we may end up going home with a monitor Monday afterall, or even worse, yet again be held here for further observation, when we could just be home the whole time... it's a horrible decision to have to make- of course we want to be home already, as our nurses have said, there really isn't anything they're doing (aside from observing), since we're here all the time and he's being breastfed, etc... but if we did go home with a monitor- everyone has warned it's awful. That it's loud, often goes off for no reason, it's bulky and awkward, and it's at least a month's commitment. Part of us think the peace of mind that would go with it is nice- but we've been told that if it does go off and we have to take him to the ER for any reason, chances are he'd be tortured more or less with spinal taps, bloodwork, etc - unnecessarily simply because they don't know him or his case.

Had the disappointment not happened yesterday- I would've been fine being here a few more days- I've adjusted to this lifestyle if you will, and at least I get to be with him 24/7, almost as if we were home. But let's face it, I desperately miss Kaely, and to be able to eat/sleep/shower at home without it being a big production would be delightful. To be able to share a bed with my husband (and not take turns sleeping in the murphy bed and rocking chair here)... all of this I miss dearly. But... is it worth the gamble???

I guess I'll sit and chew on these thoughts for a bit longer- at the end of the day I guess our desire to be home is selfish, and what really needs to be considered is Chase's safety. I hate that it's being left up to me- and either way, monitor or no monitor, I'll be there with him 24/7 for the next few months, and feel pretty confident after spending these weeks in the NICU.

Chase's updates? Nothing too drastic- he gained 1 gram last night from yesterday- soon enough we'll do weekly weights which will be easier to compare rather than the hourly/daily changes that are seen between feedings. He's continuing to eat like a champ, and defines his schedule now- more like every 2 hours (UGH)... only problem is he's starting to take too much at feeding and reflux has begun... but otherwise all is good. He's growing out of some of his preemie clothes already it seems. Even the outfit for today will not likely fit next week. He's a champ, no doubt!