"Does Not Play Well With Others"

This is my own self-reflection, and wondering how it will affect Chase. I'm working on being around my sister for 24+ hours now (okay, minus the 8-9 hours she worked, plus I guess the 8 hours we slept, hmmm), and having to work on patience. It has nothing to do with her, she is super sweet (most days) and as generous as can be. But... I realize I hate sharing. I hate sharing space, I hate sharing food, I hate sharing my shower, I hate sharing my baby... She has no problem sharing toys that Chase has chewed and slobbered on- but I am not a fan of sharing the spit. She will use the bath towel Chase just used earlier for Nathan's bath after- but I guess I'm a snob. She brings her own food, but shares in mine too....  Things that really just don't matter- I get possessive about. It is one of the most retarded flaws I have, and am somewhat (really!) ashamed to admit it...

I'm realizing a lot of it has/(may have?) to do with birth order (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!). I'm the oldest, and she's next born (4 1/2 yrs younger)- and essentially one of three middle children in our family. I guess those years by myself, and then with being my dad's only child, being the "bossy" one, and having my own room most of the years growing up... well, it still carries over into adulthood and parenthood. She has always had to share, listen to my bossiness, never thought twice about dirty stuff, second-hand, etc, and became kind of a peace-maker. I watch Nathan and Chase play together, and even Chase squawks in protest when Nathan takes his toys (or me)... but Nathan has no problem sharing, and is very curious and open. I see their personalities developing every day/week and can see where this may be going... Huh... whoops.

Now I observe Kaely, too, has the same smart @ss attitude, bossy nature, and all that it entails- so she may be following in my footsteps... where does that leave Chase? As the next "first born" attitude (since the age gap)? Or the "baby" attitude? Or- eeek! Both? I need to make sure to keep aware of my flaws, work on them, and and work towards making sure Chase is a well-rounded baby-man :)

It is so scary looking back, and realizing how similar we are to our parents- in ways we may never want to see. I see the good from my mom that I picked up- the cooking, sewing, painting, etc... then there's the goofy dancing around the house singing with the baby, physical traits, and things I say (aka, yell) to both the kids (ack!). The cycle just seems to loom over us, waiting to be repeated- and while there are many things I embrace, we have to do our best to show our children the positive parts of us, and be the best example possible. Last I checked, the "Do as I say, not as I do" program doesn't work so well. If you want an Olympian, you can't be a couch-potato! Sigh... no pressure over here- lots to improve- fortunately kids are pretty resilient, and although it may take half a dozen tries before we get it right, as long as the example is good in the near future, we have the best shot possible for their future.